So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
