I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
