sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
