All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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