sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize