As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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