Where did you get a picture of my penis
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
