what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
