The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
