She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Found the puke drawer
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
