two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize