Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
