So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
