Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
