so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like a drive thru vagina
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
