Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
