And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
