Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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