Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
