Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
