I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
