Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
