If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
