Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
