i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
