One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
