Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
