Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
