Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
