Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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