Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
