Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
