Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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