i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
