When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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