Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
