Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
