is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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