And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So here I am, sexting at work.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
