Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
