Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
