bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
