My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
