Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
