why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
