I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
FUCK WHALES
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
