well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
