How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
