so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
