i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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