I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His hands were made for my vagina.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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