I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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