Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
drinking out of a sandbucket again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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