just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
