nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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