so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
