Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
