i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
