there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
