idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
