I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
