I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
