Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
