I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
