It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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