Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
