Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
