are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
