Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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